Say hello to the newest purser, coming to a first-class flight near you! I told y’all a few weeks ago that I would be attending seven days of first-class training. (‘Five days learning how to use an airplane oven and two learning to tell my coworkers, nicely, to do their jobs,’ is I think how I worded it.) Well, that training has come and gone.

The sad news has come. Someone I loved has died. I had planned to post about my recently completed flight attendant training this week. To offer up my insights, my likes and dislikes, to take a shot at Corporate America and the declining standards under the capitalist race to the bottom (among other, more positive remarks). But things have changed. It doesn’t feel so pressing, anymore. Feels weird, if I’m honest, to talk about something like hospitality, when something serious, tangible, gut-wrenching is happening. *Has happened. It doesn’t quite feel real yet, to switch from present to past tense.

If there is one thing my avoidantly-attached, air-sign ass needs, it is CHANGE. And I’ve got just what the doctor ordered. I’m saying Bye bye, New England, Hello sunny San Diego! Yours truly is slated to be the next California Girl, and she couldn’t be more pleased. But that’s not the only big change in my life. I’m using this week’s post as a life update. If you’re not into it, no hard feelings. Pop back in two weeks to find more flight attendant, travel, and personal content. (Or stick around and check out the archives now!) So, here’s what’s going on with me.

Welcome back, everybody! This week I’m coming in hot with some more need-to-know flight attendant info. Namely, the things you should never ask a flight attendant. There are questions that every flight attendant hates answering. We may answer with a smile, but on the inside we are dying a little every time one of these six questions is asked. I’m here to help YOU interact better with flight attendants and to save US the pain of regurgitating the same tired answers to the same tired questions. Win-Win!

It’s a mystery! An enigma! The most confusing contraption the world has ever seen! It’s the airplane bathroom. Sometimes it feels like I spend half my workday explaining to people how to open the lavatory door and the other half flushing the toilet after they’ve left. Y’all stick trash in every crack and crevice you can find, have no idea how to turn the sink on, and don’t even get me started with flushing the toilet. I intend to put a stop to the madness.